Funny Things about Being Vegan

       Here are a few funny things about being a vegan.

• Nobody knows how to correctly pronounce Vegan.

• Nobody knows what a vegan is.

• The “funny” one at a meal says “hey, you want a pork chop?”

• You wished you had a dollar for every time someone asks, “How do you know plants don’t feel pain?”

• Sometimes you hesitate to say “I’m a vegan” because you don’t want to tie up the next hour or so of your life.

• You’re lifestyle offends omnivores but they want you to respect theirs.

• You tell someone that you don’t eat any food that comes from animals and they reply “Wait a minute, you don’t eat chicken? What about fish?” Hello (franticly beat on microphone) is this thing on!?

• Your friends in an attempt to get you to eat what they’ve made say “There’s only a little milk in it.” Oh, well in that case (sarcasm included)!

• When invited to a cookout you are informed that there is a particular dish cooked with meat but you can pick the meat out of if you want. That’s when you reply, “Oh, that’s alright. I pooped in the beans I brought so just eat around it.

• People say you’re going to die soon because of your diet (even though statistically you will outlive them).

• People say, “I used to be a vegetarian until I got sick.” Yeah, when all you eat are Cheetos and Ding Dong’s that’ll happen.

• You find that people like to say “I’d hate to see inside your refrigerator.” As if the body parts in theirs is somehow more appealing.

• If you’re thin people assume it is because you don’t eat meat. If you’re not a toothpick people assume that you should be. One word, me-ta-bo-li-sm!

• You feel at home in a health food store because everyone else also reads the ingredients.

• Vegan or veganism isn’t in your computer’s word processing program.

• Amongst those with limited intellectual capacity if you’re vegan and male you are assumed to be gay.

• People assume you’re a hippie.

• Somehow people think you’re a hypocrite for not wanting to stop other animals from killing each other.

• You have to hear people rationalize immoral actions as a matter of likes and dislikes when someone says “I could never stop eating meat because I like the taste too much.” Wow! I forgot how sensory perception can override various issues of morality, thanks for reminding me!

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  Posted/Updated: 1/03/07